First of all, why aren’t these an actual thing?!
And secondly, who isn’t scared to go to uni, right?
I mean, sure everyone gets nervous, of course they will, it’s a whole new place with lots of new people, but that doesn’t mean that people who suffer from a mental illness (such an anxiety) will hate the idea of going to University for the same reasons.
So many people (teachers, parents, etc.) expect you to know exactly what you want out of life, they want you to have it all planned out, and they expect you to have this ‘plan’ ready for when you leave school. When in reality, most people don’t even know which route to take when they’ve finished college, and that’s absolutely fine. No-one can seriously believe that someone who has left just school/college and has been thrown straight in to this world head first, knows exactly what they want from life. When you do leave school or college, you kind of get this feeling that you’re not going to get anywhere in life because it seems like everyone around you has this amazing plan that they’ve created… yet, everyone is in the exact same boat as you. … relatable?
Well that’s kind of what It’s like to live with Anxiety. It appears to me that everyone is moving on with their lives; getting apprenticeships, getting jobs, going to University, (I’m 1 year behind everyone else with the whole uni situation, I’ll talk about this in a future post) and basically have this big plan mapped out for them and I’m just stuck in this rut. I feel like I’m going absolutely nowhere. *sigh*
Anyway, you’re probably thinking, “Well, yes, i kind of have an idea how people with anxiety may feel about their future’s, but answer your question, why are you so scared to go to University?”
Well my friends, it’s all because me, of all people, have applied to study Psychology and Counselling. Yep, I said it, little miss “I can’t get on public transport!”, has plans to study Psychology at degree level whilst living at home.
Funny, right? Someone suffering from mental illness wants to study Psychology. Well, I guess it is a little strange, which is why I’m scared that people will think I’m stupid for wanting to study it, but it will hopefully help me understand the mind properly and how it works (according to my college tutor). Plus I think It’s super interesting anyway.
The only problem is now… how am I supposed to get there? And there is no simple answer to this question in my mind. Let me give you an idea of what happens in my brain when I ask myself this question.
Do I get the train? No, don’t be silly, you can’t get the train, what if you miss it? Or trip and fall over? What if you get on the wrong train? WHAT IF YOU MISS YOUR STOP? You can’t be late, people will stare at you as you walk in.
How about a taxi? No! What if you don’t bring enough money and you can’t afford the fare? What if the car breaks down?
Aaand that ladies and gentleman is the main reason why i’m afraid to go to university, It’s because i.can’t.even.get.there. Damn you anxiety.