Hi everyone,
Today’s post is going to be a bit of a rollercoaster (you’ll see why soon), but i thought that it was important to write this one as I thought it could help a few people.
Okay, so first off, i’d like to start off this post by filling you all in on how things have been the past few days.
Since my last post, it seems that my crazy mood swings are back with a vengeance, and they’ve brought some awful thoughts along with them.
Today was one of the worst I’ve experienced in a while, I felt weighed down again and I had this awful lump in my throat and had a huge knot in my stomach for hours. All i kept thinking was that all of this would go away and i wouldn’t need to worry about university or anything if I were dead.
Other awful thoughts were that my boyfriend would eventually get sick of everything and leave, and that I’ll always be alone and misunderstood because no one truly knows exactly how I feel.
I hate to think that you guys can relate to those thoughts but I know that some of you can.
And I know what those other people are thinking, “well here we go, she’s back to square one”, when actually that’s not the case this time.
I said a few posts ago that I had decided it was time for me to really kick depression and anxiety’s butt and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do lately (it’s a work in progress). I managed to rip that awful mood off by back today by simply opening my eyes to the beauty of the world. It may sound silly but if you tell yourself that life is beautiful, and you think about all of the wonderful things that you are yet to do, something kind of amazing happens in your mind and suddenly the thoughts are quieter and more soothing thoughts start to drift in.
If you or anyone you know and love are experiencing thoughts that are ruining their happiness, try to explain to them or yourself that you are fully in control of your thoughts and that all of what you’re telling yourself isn’t true. There IS beauty in the world and you find it if you just get through the storm and wait for the sunshine. Happiness is the break in the clouds and I promise that you’ll see it soon. The rain won’t last forever, and after all, even if you’re not still feeling 100% when the clouds break, a rainbow is just as beautiful as the sun.
Metaphors aside, the main point is that even when you’re in recovery, there will be some set backs but you can’t let that stop your motivation and enthusiasm. You WILL get there and you WILL be happy again. All it takes is a little self love and patience.
I love you guys.
~ Chloe
Quiet your mind 