Today I thought I would post something that I lot of you will be able to relate to; whether it’s the person you are dating that suffers from mental illness, or you are the sufferer.
First of all, do any of you ever feel like you’re never going to be enough for the person that you love?
Or that you’re not a strong enough person to be able to give them what they need?
Because I do.
It hurts to know that it doesn’t matter how badly you want to, you can’t be the person that they need you to be. Because it seems that there will always be something else that “you just can’t help” with. Does that make you feel useless?
It hurts to think that I can’t give the person I love everything that they need from a relationship, and that it’s all because of my stupid illness. It makes almost everything that people see as being “normal” extremely difficult for me, I can’t even be in a relationship without it interfering.
It’s just so, so difficult to live with it when you’re in a relationship. It’s like you’re basically dating your anxiety and depression too, except these two are controlling and manipulative, and they always fight for your attention.
It’s like you’re constantly having to feed them attention or they will turn on you and begin to drive you insane, making you feel super paranoid, useless, worthless and thinking that you don’t have a purpose anymore.
Trying to explain this to someone is really difficult as most people laugh it off so that they don’t have to deal with it, or shrug it off so that don’t have to support you as you fight against your demons.
Living alone with this mental illness is deadly, you never know when you’re going to snap, you never know when it’s going to tell you that you’ve had enough and that it’s time to leave (Yes, I mean exactly what you’re thinking).
So before you laugh or shrug your shoulders when they tell you that they’re struggling, maybe you should think that today could possibly be their last day, because the next thing you will say will be “I wish I could have helped”, when you could have, they tried to reach out to you and you didn’t take it seriously.
Eventually, It all comes down to the sweaty hand holding, the adrenalin fueled dates, the panic attacks, the arguments and being scared of losing him/her. Because even through all of that, those two people are still together and in love, but one of them just can’t handle the love rectangle anymore.