Quiet your mind.

Hi everyone,
Today’s post is going to be a bit of a rollercoaster (you’ll see why soon), but i thought that it was important to write this one as I thought it could help a few people.

Okay, so first off, i’d like to start off this post by filling you all in on how things have been the past few days.
Since my last post, it seems that my crazy mood swings are back with a vengeance, and they’ve brought some awful thoughts along with them.
Today was one of the worst I’ve experienced in a while, I felt weighed down again and I had this awful lump in my throat and had a huge knot in my stomach for hours. All i kept thinking was that all of this would go away and i wouldn’t need to worry about university or anything if I were dead.
Other awful thoughts were that my boyfriend would eventually get sick of everything and leave, and that I’ll always be alone and misunderstood because no one truly knows exactly how I feel.
I hate to think that you guys can relate to those thoughts but I know that some of you can.
And I know what those other people are thinking, “well here we go, she’s back to square one”, when actually that’s not the case this time.

I said a few posts ago that I had decided it was time for me to really kick depression and anxiety’s butt and that’s exactly what I’m trying to do lately (it’s a work in progress). I managed to rip that awful mood off by back today by simply opening my eyes to the beauty of the world. It may sound silly but if you tell yourself that life is beautiful, and you think about all of the wonderful things that you are yet to do, something kind of amazing happens in your mind and suddenly the thoughts are quieter and more soothing thoughts start to drift in.

If you or anyone you know and love are experiencing thoughts that are ruining their happiness, try to explain to them or yourself that you are fully in control of your thoughts and that all of what you’re telling yourself isn’t true. There IS beauty in the world and you find it if you just get through the storm and wait for the sunshine. Happiness is the break in the clouds and I promise that you’ll see it soon. The rain won’t last forever, and after all, even if you’re not still feeling 100% when the clouds break, a rainbow is just as beautiful as the sun.

Metaphors aside, the main point is that even when you’re in recovery, there will be some set backs but you can’t let that stop your motivation and enthusiasm. You WILL get there and you WILL be happy again. All it takes is a little self love and patience.

I love you guys.

~ Chloe

To, my rock.

Hi guys,
Tonight’s post is going to be a little bit ‘pashy’, so if you’re not in to the ‘lovely dovey’ kind of posts then now is the right time to click off from this one.

For the ones who can relate, have you ever felt like one person in particular can make you feel like your mental illness doesn’t even exist, even when it’s just when you’re physically with them? Cause I do, and it’s the best feeling in the world, even if it is just masking the pain for a short period of time. I’m not going to mention the person’s name that I’m thinking of cause I want it to be personal to you guys.

But, doesn’t it feel like when you’re with them, everything bad in your life just kind of disappears and you can conquer the world? It’s absolutely amazing that one person can have such a big impact on your mood and the view that you have of life. It’s kind of scary in a way, cause I feel like I have nothing when I’m without them, but when they are there, I seem to see everything in a whole different light and I feel so optimistic about a lot of things.

I know that this is completely different from the posts that I said I would publish, but I feel like a lot of people can relate to what I’m saying so I thought it could be beneficial to others. The main reason I wanted to write this post is to say that it’s okay to only feel happy when you’re with a certain someone, cause at the end of the day, that’s so much better than feeling miserable 24/7, and I guess it’s also one step closer to true happiness.

All I can say is that if you can actually relate to this post, and you do have a special someone that seems to make all of your problems go away, hold on to them. I did, and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made.

Now to make the end of this post personal and to really reach the person who influenced me to write this, “Thank you for staying even if you had every reason to leave. Thank you for making it easier when life gets hard.”

~ Chloe 

A day in the life of me.

Hi everyone,

Today’s post is kind of personal, but I know for a fact that you guys are going to be super supportive and you aren’t judgmental.

I’m just having a crappy day. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I know that sounds stupid but there’s no other way that I can explain it.

I literally feel like I’m so far in to the ground that I can’t even see the light anymore, I know what you guys are thinking and that’s not entirely true. I’m not suicidal right now, I just kind of want to leave this world but I don’t want to die, I just want all of this stupid crap to stop and I want to get away from it.

I’m constantly battling against my mind and it’s just so tiring guys. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. It doesn’t matter what I change about my life, I still feel the exact same and and I’m so sick of living this stupid life. I feel like such a failure.

I’ve always tried to stay positive but it’s really difficult at the minute, I’m hoping that somewhere, at least one of you guys understand, cause then at least I won’t feel so alone…

~ Chloe